3 wellington

alone, cold and numb
i sit here looking at all the people
with someone to hold
keep warm
and nothing around them could matter
aside to who is adjacent to them
waiting and anticipating for someone to come on this
dark and cold bus..like my soul
that is intriguing to my eye
but as always together they will hold
one another
as i sit hoping this bus will hit a ebony tunnel
and never see the light
i think and wonder why im so dark behind
the layers that may be deceiving as to whats lerking under my skin
sad sorrow that entwines with in guilt and knowing
not to wait
not to wonder
not to anticipate the feeling of feeling lust
feeling loved
feeling warm and not alone
as i know if i wait it will never come
or at least seem like never
but it doesnt seem to leave my mind
not even when multiple encounters of fire truck sirens
scurry to the scene which happens to be a hospital
wondering what could have happened
until i see a few more
a few more people keeping each other warm
laughing and whispering in each others ears
as i look out the window and try to avoid
but the reflection in the window
will never lie
i feel it in my pulse that im the only one alone
alone in my thoughts
alone in my dreams
alone in my heart
as the songs shuffle
they happen to be all love songs that sway in my ears
about the love that they have
i press forward to avoid any deeper emotion
but it wont end
so i switch to an instrumental
just so happens even the notes that spill out of the instruments
into my ears happen to sound like they where in love when they wrote it
how i miss that feeling
that feeling of having endless love spill out of every pour in my body
on to something i care for
the inner core of me knows that im not the only who feels like this
but everyone has selfish needs
not everyone can hold in
whats burning deep inside them
to the point where it comes an endless obsession
that has to stop but only will
until i find that fix