The mind

Looking up the stairs she struggles
One by one
Her harsh lived in feet
Go up
Slowly, yet painfully
I make sure if she where to loose balance
I would make sure to ketch her

I watch and think
Of all the times she's ran up and down
All the things she's taught me
All the thoughts I'm beginning to forget, remember and fade..

I stare into her eyes and it feels hallow
As if what was there has left and remains are just her body
Although it may not look the same;
i ponder and ponder what it is that may be lurking in her mind
Does she know who i am?
Does she know why i'm here?
Does she remember everything she has taught me?

As i think of all of this, I struggle in this chair trying to hold in all my emotion
And knowing if i where to cry she simply would not understand
Or at least have the energy to try and ask, if not realize

I try not to get angry
When i hear the same question repeatedly
It's hard to remeber that she simply doesnt not know

But does she not?
How could one brain simply just take everything your body and soul have done
that you put your heart into?
How can your mind just end your own life?
How could an organ take people so special away?

As i wait for him to come home
i hear her repeatedly get in and out of bed coming back and forth to me
"Dove è Nonno?"
"Dove è my husband?"
over and over
I explain

It hurts so deeply that im beginning to forget my family's spoken language
Because i simply don't visit enough
As if i took my own age into my power
To just do my own things
My stubborn way
that i dearly regret
because when she would softly talk to me
something other than
"where is my husband"
"where is your grandfather"
i can barley make out the words
As i wish so profoundly i still could understand
i can only make out words
That are not enough to tell me what she is telling me

If i just came by more if i just did as much as i use to i would understand